March 3, 2014
Evil are people
Flip evil it just becomes live.
I am the only person I can’t run away from.
But when my body and soul and heart stop and go...
I know what you’ll have SKELETON.
Bodies control our mind.
My mind speaks and doesn’t like my body
And body hates mental
And mental hates devil
Devil is evil, left is my useless skeleton
I want to know,
that is between us,
I can question.
Is it a feeling simple,
as an integer,
or is it complicated,
as the complex number.
Whether is it easy to work,
to be complete and whole,
or is it a fraction,
of your life and world
If we together,
add up to make two,
or with us,
love turns negative.
Is it a calculus,
odd to understand,
do we differ so much,
we can't integrate our lives.
And if we could,
multiply our happiness,
those sad moments.
Can it be,
like the circle with no end,
in the plane same,
with similar coordinates.
If our love,
is a mathematical term to define,
would we be mutually exclusive,
or will it stay infinite.
His eyes are beautiful like the sunset
even though they are bright,
I felt them just as dark as the moon.
It gives me chills and a feeling of evil
I can’t believe I've fallen in love
With someone who I am better away from.
Even though I know I should stay away from him,
I can’t help it, I still love him.
But his beautiful eyes
Are just a disguise
February 16, 2014
One day I met this girl
She was so beautiful
She always smiled
I envied her, I still do
She is smart, kind, and strong
But one day I heard the bricks chip
The paint that covered her eyes began to strip
And I saw what she hid
Fear, distrust, pain, and
Her many scars
That was the day I knew
I would break the wall down
I would strip the paint
I would open the door
But I couldn't
The door only opens from the inside
I want to give her the key
I want I open it for her
But I can't
But one day she will open it
She will walk through it
No she will break it down
And she will see the faces
of those who have been waiting
She will see the scratch marks
that she's placed on the door fighting to get out
she will be free
I trust she will open the door
I know she will win the war
But until then
I will patiently wait
Because I trust her
And I love her
February 15, 2014
When you feel like
Life is playing a
Trick on you
Birds stop singing
Oceans stop moving
The sun not shining
Your Heart is dying
You want to run
But don't know where
You want to scream
It seems too loud...
The walls get higher
Your skin turns red.
Your eyes without bliss
And all you want, all you need is a kiss.
Not on your neck
Not on your mouth
All it should touch
Your slowly but definitely dying soul.
You're feeling Lost.
February 12, 2014
Things with you have gone down hill.
I thought we got through this "rough patch"
It's more of a rough life with you.
The ups are shorter than the downs.
The minimal good you've done
doesn't come close to the mental damage.
The list of things you should do but haven't
is a lot longer than what you have done .
Your bucket of bullshit lies
is just as full as your bullshit goodbyes.
Congrats it was a good disguise
But for you it's fame over demise
Your story will prolong
And I will slowly move along
Doing what I do best
Taking care of me
Loving myself enough for the both of us and more.
Knowing now that you weren't worth not one tear I shed on you.
Out of the many.
Maybe that was my disguise
Holding that one strand of goodness
Behind my daddy's little girl mask
You kept pulling on my string
Had me going for 15 years and 4 days.
But today I cut that string
And I feel free.
February 1, 2014
How is it that it's always me ?
I always lose everything .
I lost my hopes,
I can't seem to find anything.
It all left when you did
When you died it killed parts of me
I can't share feelings with anyone,
I can't be happy,
No longer, can I truly be me
People tell me,
I tell poeple,
'If they exist
I dont want to find them.
If they exist
they never took pity on me,
they never gave me a break.
They must have some sick sense of humor,
to see me suffer
to see me cry at night
do they take joy seeing that sight?'
How could it have been me ?
I'm not religious
Who do I talk to
now that you're gone,
Now that you're dead?
I have no one anymore.
My mom won't listen
won't even look at me.
I practically don't have a dad
And the family I once had,
That's just a pathetic joke now.
All I have to say is,
How, how me of all people
How was I struck
Struck with this, this streak
This streak of such bad luck
Have you ever felt something slowly taking you over? That deep dark feeling that you can't run from. It makes your insides decay and takes you out with it . On the way out it makes your mouth open to scream loud but it all ready rotted your teeth away so you can't speak for yourself . It makes your eyes close cause you can't take the sight of what you're becoming and it makes everyone around you slowly care less and less about you each time they see you like this . You try to hold in the tears but right when you give up you realize it doesn't hurt anymore, not even the cuts you left yourself cause you can't feel emotion or pain, you're already far too gone to be saved... Have you ever felt like me?
i used to smoke weed
it gave me happiness
it gave me hope
it gave me what only one person has before
i lie at night just,
just thinking of her.
how we'd talk for hours
and never get bored.
then death came along,
all i could think was,
'this is wrong.
this is wrong!'
i promised i would be there,
that night she OD'd
they waited two days to break the news to me
what'd they think, two last days to be happy?
well i'll never be happy
it was my fault
this guilt eats at me
it'll never come to a hault
i'm not gonna stop it,
i won't even try
i deserve whatever the higher man throws at me
all i know is,
i definitely don't deserve to be happy
January 17, 2014
Never had I surmised,
I would fall in love;
It happened so suddenly,
Hardly could I know.
Her eyes were scintillating,
Her hair so sleek;
Time stood still at the moment
I was watching her like a geek.
She spoke with a serenity,
That'd calm the angers of all;
Her voice was so sweet,
Like angels giving you a call.
Her manner was so gentle,
Her walk so fine;
No one would call her human,
She had a touch of The Divine.
Her eyes exploring the Earth,
Glimpsed me anyhow for a moment;
They blinked and glared me back,
I wondered if it be an accident.
From childhood up to now,
I always dreamed of a princess.
Now in reality she was, there
And to my surprise our eyes met.
The meadow around with green lustre,
Bade 'hello' to the masterly beauty.
But her eyes, gently piercing my soul,
I never experienced such a sanity.
The golden sun smiling in the blue sky,
With its rays gleaming over her hair;
Array of perfection she already wore,
Making it a complexion so beautiful, so rare.
Nature-born or God-gifted;
This girl made me fall for her;
I wondered if she be a fairy,
'Had she white wings with white fur?'
At the whole of her sight,
You'd have said she was a dove;
But my heart couldn't stop singing,
"I AM IN LOVE"
I used to love to look at you,
I used love your laugh,
I miss the way I'd come unglued,
I loved the way we meshed
I loved the honesty we shared,
and living without fear,
I loved the thought of
having you forever, always here
But today I cannot look at you,
not the same now, anyway,
what happened to the way we were,
why did it have to change?
Without you I feel broken,
Like I never will move on,
I was in love with you,
I am now, and may forever be,
please just help me now,
please just help me see.
January 11, 2014
You always see me smiling,
But on the inside I’m really crying.
Nobody knows me,
Nobody understands me.
I’ve never had anybody to talk to.
My dad was never here,
My mom was always working,
None of my friends wanted to talk about feelings,
Then I turned to drugs,
I felt like they were the only things
that would understand me.
They took over my life.
Every day, all day, before school,
even during school, and after school.
I said goodbye to my family and old friends.
I had no more feelings,
I just didn’t care anymore.
Everything seemed so great,
only because I was hiding my feelings behind the drugs.
They controlled everything, my feelings, thoughts, and body.
It was the scariest thing ever, I just didn’t know what to do.
Then I moved away from my family and so called friends.
I finally sobered up.
It was the best feeling ever.
I turned to the best person ever, Jesus.
I stopped living life for myself & started living for him.
Ever since I’ve made that choice I’ve risen to the top.
I can face my feelings and I’m a stronger person,
I’m not afraid anymore.
My family finally loves me and is here for me again.
I love this feeling,
I love the new me.
I cannot feel, I want to but I just can't.
My heart aches when I feel, so I don't,
No I can't, I can't feel that anymore, I can't, I won't.
It's not easy and I don't like it,
January 8, 2014
Read this, then,
tell me what have you learnt?
i am not a perfect girl,
i was once broken but yet i am not unbroken.
i stay away from crowds.
i have no shadows.
i have left all judgment out of my head.
i don’t know what mind tells me anymore; i listen to what my heart says.
every day, i live my life and the days i have lived pass in minutes.
they all thought they knew me, so i just laughed in my head.
the ones who knew me, knew more about me than i did.
i used to over-think, let it boil until it turned into liquid.
i have made mistakes, i am not perfect.
i try to correct them over and over; it's like they want be perfected.
January 1, 2014
That feeling I often get when you’re next to me.
That feeling that just won’t go away.
That feeling where,
He brings me roses on Valentine’s.
He whispers the words I love you in my ears.
He calls me every day just to see if I am okay.
He makes me feel more in love with him
Every time I look into his beautiful blue eyes.
He makes me feel less insecure.
He takes my pain and misery away.
Now everything is just plain dull,
He left me without saying goodbye.
Wondering, but knowing he’s never coming back.
Now it’s just me buying red roses on Valentine’s Day
The redness of the flowers reminds me
Of the warmth of my blood constricting in my skin.
He made me fall in love with his everything
And now I am not sure about a second chance at love
But I know for sure that although I have fallen
I would rise again.
He’s probably up there watching me
Over the clouds and stars.
December 22, 2013
As I cuddle up on cold nights,
restless; I memorise those kisses and fights.
Life was awesome; with you by my side,
Presently, it is full of lonely rides.
I often walk; aimlessly.
Completely dumbfounded at what I do,
My life has lost its purpose,
It's hard to believe yet true.
With eyes teary wet,
Blaming my mistakes and myself,
For I wrote my own fate.
'No one's perfect',
You used to say.
But I can hardly believe,
It ended this way.
In the pool of solitude,
I often swim,
In search of love,
In search of that 'hope-beam'.
This pool of emptiness,
It's killing me inside,
Drowning in this deadly pool,
With no one to guide.
Return to me
And take me in your lap.
I pray you my love,
I want to be awakened from this nap.
Take me away;
Away from this world of strife,
I really NEED you,
To complete my life.
December 21, 2013
Why always me,
Gets the heart broken?
Why always my true feelings,
You showed me,
Such a lot fantasies,
I dreamed it way too much;
Playing together in the daisies..
I got attached to you so fast,
And hoped the setbacks would settle;
My world for you was so vast,
And you made it so little.
Why me, to your love fell a pray,
Why, dreaming of you, I'd idly lay.
Why you crushed all my feelings in a second,
Why I considered you, an Angel from Heaven..
Why you stared at me,
Though I wanted much more
Why you threw me out of your heart,
And I kept you in the core..
Why now, why you ignore me?
Why, at first, you became my destiny..
Why, why you proved love a lie,
Why, why you bade that last goodbye..
If you still care,
Answer all my 'why's,
Please come back to me,
Fear no word from me; No fies...!
December 18, 2013
Can your hear their screams.
Put your hands on ears,
Wish this was just a dream.
That all your fears,
Are false, Tomorrow will be a new day.
Can you hear their footsteps.
Coming up the stairs,
You have had learned to accept,
That this is the way it is.
Can you hear them banging on your door,
It's making you nervous.
Your knees shook along with the floor.
Silence is deafening,
Your spirit is defeating.
The only thing that can be heard is the clock,
Sitting on your desk.
Tick Tock Tick Tock it goes.
It's like as if it's taunting you,
Haunting you, Daring you.
The clock is ticking,
Time is running out.
But falling behind.
Day by day.
Thanks to my blades.
Tear soaked pillows.
Struggling for reality.
That's how my life goes.
The Power of Love is like no other.
I am bent over with love
For the Good and the Bad
The Suffocation of Love? Yeah.
The Pain of Love!
Why won't she let go?
Why won't he give up?
Why is she being so difficult?
Why is he so persistent?
Why won't she let me be?
Why are you still in my life?
Why are these tears trickling down my cheeks?
Because of LOVE.
I am far from UNGRATEFUL
I am simply bent over with love.
All I Ask
is to slightly
unbend the bent
Those tears down the cheek,
The redness in the eye,
You seem to be crying,
Can I ask you why?
Exists no more,
Your legs are feeble,
Like never before
It seems like eternity
When you happened to be happy
That joy has disappeared,
Oh what a pity!
You made my life worth living
Blessed me in disguise
I want you to be happy
that's all my heart cries
I don't even know why
But if you need to pour it out
It's me you can try
And let me fix the broken wings
I know you will fly again
And let alone the joy sing.
December 7, 2013
I go to bed each night thinking,
will tomorrow be just another day like them all?
Will I take control over my life
and acknowledge my feelings,
or continue to treat them like they are small?
There's nothing more painful than the guilt I feel
because I know you love me and I cannot be my best.
And I cannot express the love I have for you
in my heart thumping in my chest.
I have so much inside of me
just waiting to come out,
But where there was once strength
There now is vacant pain
and all I manage to do is shout.
The roots of our love is so strong
but our branches are all broken
and my weeping heart is waiting
for something capsizing to be spoken,
So that my cries let out will be acknowledged
and the wasted pain will go away
and all that will be left of this
will be memories of a day.
The time is near.
Slowly. Oh so slowly, does my sweet oblivion come near.
I can feel it, begging for freedom.
Suddenly, I am surrounded.
But I am not afraid, for we are family.
We are a pack.
Finally, the time is near, to rid ourselves of our troubles,
our worries, our fears.
Giddy with anticipation, we change.
From Human to wolf.
From pain to bliss.
The only witness to this change is our mother, the Moon.
For our gift works best under the watchful eye of our mother.
Before we run, we thank our mother in the tongue of the wolf.
November 25, 2013
Mom, why is water flowing from your eyes? Dad, why dont you smile? Why is everyone sad? Is there something wrong? God said, I was supposed to bring happiness to your lives, Then why is no one happy? Am I not good? Mom, have I made a mistake? Have I hurt anyone? I remember, you were laughing, Singing songs, And were extremely happy Infact, everyone was happy. I could even feel your laughter, When I was a part of you. Even I thought to myself, That I would come to your life, And would make you even more happpier, But that is not happening...! I can see that everyone is sad, I can sense something wrong. Oh! I forgot to tell you mom, When I was inside you, Something was troubling me. I wasn't at ease, I felt something pressing against my throat It felt like, something was trying to kill me... And then I choked, and again... and again... A few moments passed, And I was feeling better, But there was a problem... I was not able to breathe properly Things were not making sense, mom I don't know what was happening. Then there was screaming and shouting and god knows what all. And then came the moment, when I entered this world... I was covered in a red, gooey substance, My eyes were not opening, And I couldn't move, Not even a bit! I wasn't even breathing... God told me once, "All you have to do throughout your life,.. is breathe Because that is what proves that you are alive!" Things are making sense now, mom I don't move I don't cry I don't even breathe...! Mom, am I not alive? Am I "born dead", like most people call it? I think I am... I am sorry, mom But I would have to leave... I don't get a chance to be with you, and dad and this family. God wants me back.. I guess, this is the reason why everyone is crying I did not stay with you all, For even a few moments, But you all, still love me, Are crying over my death.. All of you would miss me, right? I promise you, mom I would go back to god and ask him to give you a friend of mine. You keep him, ok? And be happy. I may not be alive, mom But I know god will give you happiness again. I know my friend will make you happy Please mom, please don't cry And ask dad to be happy You know I love you the most, right? And I will always do ... Just take care of yourself And everyone else It's time for me to go. Bye mom, Bye dad, Bye world.
My sinful lips already committed forbidden pleasure, pleasure that can never be revealed Wishin’ to rewind through time of prevention, while bein' deleted from my present... As their bodies became whole, Electrifyin' lights sparked within' each vessel Formin' unique passion marks, as our lips danced along each others skin Like tango music, Our sounds romantically spiced the room With an agreeable minglin' of seduction... The sweetest fingers roamed, Caressed, quenched my thirstin' physical needs While spiritual sins are being created with a knowledgeable lover Showin love and affection... Feelin' lower than loam, guilt drastically took its place as the aftermath This romance jus' recently starting…. Why couldn’t I’ve said? …Wait! Put those flames on ice! This isn't what you will want, Jus' hormones caught in the moment... Lookin' back, Wantin' to reverse the hour glass This event could've been delayed until its rightful time, With that rightful someone But my sinful lips already committed forbidden pleasure...
You see me, I see you. My heart pounds, Just the way it used to. You hold her hand, Kiss her on the cheek. The mere sight of it, Makes my knees weak. I want to cry, Put my heart out. Why did you leave me? That's all my heart shouts. You love her, I loved you. Well, that's what I state, I know I still do. It seems like yesterday, When I gave you my heart, You were to take care of it, not to tear it apart. I want to talk to you, I wanna know why, Exclaiming it to be eternal, Was it just a lie? She holds your hand, Kisses you on the lips, That's when reality strikes me, And my heart takes a deep dip. It's over between us, I know it is. You were a part of me, Who will be highly missed.
November 14, 2013
by Earl G.
I've never been so happy, I still can't believe it is true, Though this may sound sappy, My brain feels just like goo, My heart is beating, And my knees buckle, too. To know you feel this way Is joy anytime of the day.